Article 18: Prenuptial and Marital Counseling – Understanding Each Other’s Dreams and Goals
- Marya Sirous
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
Article 18: Prenuptial and Marital Counseling – Understanding Each Other’s Dreams and Goals
Introductory Quote:
“The strongest couple isn’t the one that is alike, but the one that deeply understands each other.”— Jacques Salomé
Introduction At the beginning of a relationship, differences may seem charming, enriching, or even attractive. However, over time these differences can become invisible obstacles if they conceal life dreams that are too far apart.
Prenuptial and marital counseling invites couples to ask themselves a crucial question:
Are your dreams and objectives headed in the same direction, or do they risk eventually pulling you apart?
Often, one partner admires a quality in the other without realizing that this quality reflects a different life choice. When daily life sets in, what was initially appealing becomes difficult to tolerate. If these misalignments aren’t clarified early, they lead to unspoken sacrifices and silent erosion of the relationship.
Schedule a prenuptial and marital counseling session here:
Case Study: Kim and John
Kim and John met, fell in love, and got married all within a month. Kim was attracted to John’s calmness and stability. John was captivated by Kim’s dynamic personality and social charisma—qualities he felt deeply lacking in his own life.
Seven years later, they came to see me:
John: “I’m not antisocial, but it's too much. Every night we're either invited somewhere or hosting people.”
Kim: “I haven't changed. I've always been this way. The problem is that John doesn't love me anymore.”
When I asked about their dreams, the gap became clear:
John dreams of a quiet family life, spending evenings at home, enjoying barbecues with friends—and above all, he wants children.
Kim is still resistant to the idea of children. Her dream is to build a political career, requiring visibility, networking, and constant presence.
“If I want to succeed,” she says, “I must be the perfect woman. Perfect home, perfect couple. Not because I want it, but because I have no political heritage. I need to build it myself.” She adds:
“I’m happy being a woman. But you must be a woman, but not too much. Beautiful, but not too much. A mother, but not too much. Brilliant, but not too much. It's exhausting.”
What attracted them to each other was actually the manifestation of opposing life paths.
After several counseling sessions, they reached a conscious agreement:
Kim agreed to have children.
John took on the majority of domestic tasks.
Kim managed most professional social events independently.
John chose whether to participate or not.
One weekend per month dedicated to their relationship.
One week of vacation per year without phones or internet.
Five years later, John sent me an email with a photo: Kim, now mayor of her city, their three children... and a happy dog.
Prenuptial and marital counseling helped them align not their personalities, but their life visions. Schedule your session here:
Case Study: Leïla and Maxime
Leïla, of Tunisian origin, is a freelance graphic designer. Maxime is a high school history teacher. They've lived together for four years and love each other deeply. But for a year now, Leïla has begun having doubts.
“I want to move abroad, open my gallery, and live a freer life. Maxime is wonderful, but he wants to buy a house here and start a family.” Maxime doesn’t understand:
“We're good. Why change everything? I love her, but I feel sidelined in her plans.” During our sessions, it became clear Leïla sought self-expression and creativity, while Maxime sought stability and legacy.
Their visions weren’t incompatible but required a shared framework:
Leïla would spend six months in Barcelona, with a planned return.
Maxime would remain in France, supporting her from a distance.
They’d reunite every two months, reassessing their vision afterward.
A year later, they decided together to move to Lisbon, where Maxime teaches at a French school, and Leïla opened her first exhibition.
Prenuptial and marital counseling transformed their fear of decision-making into a shared growth opportunity. Schedule your session here:
Psychological Analysis:
The Trap of Opposite Attractions
It's common that what initially attracts us to another person is precisely what we lack ourselves—but this doesn't always mean we can comfortably live with it.
Sometimes the other embodies an inaccessible dream or fantasy. But if our life goals are too distant, one partner may end up feeling erased, frustrated, or sacrificed.
Prenuptial and marital counseling helps detect these misalignments early, before love turns into resentment.
Schedule your clarifying session here:
Practical exercises for couples:
Write your dreams for 10 years from now: Where do you see yourself? With whom? Doing what job, in what location, and lifestyle?
Share your “non-negotiables”: Children? Career? Mobility? Spirituality? Close family? Identify indispensable pillars.
Find points of convergence: List areas that can evolve or adjust together.
Draft your “couple’s vision”: Like a mini-charter—what you want to experience together, your rhythms, values, and possible sacrifices.
Seek support: Clarifying your dreams individually is challenging without support, risking frustrating compromises.
Prenuptial and marital counseling provides a clear, safe, and productive dialogue space. Schedule your session here:
Inspirational Conclusion
Dreams aren't incompatible with love—but they must be clearly expressed, respected, and shared. When a couple builds a relationship aligned with their visions, choices become shared projects rather than burdens.
To Meditate On:
“The greatest obstacle to lasting love isn’t disagreement but silence about our true desires.”
— Harville Hendrix
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